Although I had a Bat Mitzvah, I didn’t know much about the Torah or its annual cycle of reading. Where I went to Hebrew School, women didn’t read from the Torah. Over the last five years of my growing devotion and intimacy with my Jewish identity, I’ve been curious to understand more about the Torah portion that I believe my soul is intimately and spiritually connected with.
Since I (re)discovered that my Hebrew birth date is 8 Cheshvan, I’ve started to dig into the Torah portion associated with that week: Lech Lecha. Realizing that the Torah portion of my Bat Mitzvah would have been Lech Lecha felt auspicious. The themes of leaving the comfort and discomfort of what’s known — both internally and externally — have been so present for me, for what feels like my whole life.
Is this energy imprinted in my neshama, my soul, more specifically than others? “Of course my soul would choose to incarnate with this energy!” my inner dialogue says. Or are these questions just so relevant for everyone?
In Lech Lecha, God tells Abraham to go — go forth from your land, leave home. This is essentially the message at the beginning of any archetypal (Hero)ine’s journey. Perhaps it resonates with all people — of any faith, of no faith, people who are willing and up for the challenges and callings that their paths invite. And yet, I wonder if it’s even more alive for those of us who are Jews.
This is a big invitation from the Divine, and I can’t deny the connection that I feel with this path-expanding, open-ended call. I constantly feel as if I’m being called to leave what’s comfortable to chart my own path, and not just when my birth date comes along in the fall, after doing some serious High Holiday cheshbon hanefesh (soul accounting) work. And not just while I’m on ancestral pilgrimage, exploring my family’s hometown where one side of my lineage lived for hundreds of years in the community of Tire, in Izmir, Turkey (where I went this summer, a life-changing story for another time!).
And though I’ve always felt connected, this call has more acutely shaped my life over the past 8 years — after leaving New Jersey for college in California and getting sick with Crohn’s Disease, my life has been transformed by the deep journeys I’ve been on. Since then, and with the help of a lot of therapy, tons of yoga, plant medicine journeys, and energy work, I have been able to integrate so much. I have seen and understood that I needed to get out, get going from my childhood home to set forth on the journey of recalibrating my nervous system. To, for the first time, try to find safety and a home within my body.
“I can handle the consequences of my choices.” This statement, which was one of the strongest embodied knowings I came to after 6 months of undergoing EMDR sessions as a part of free therapy at the UCLA Rape Treatment Center, reminds me that I can handle noticing and allowing myself to feel exactly what I’m feeling, and notice what’s happening on the inside.
So much of my exploration over the last 8 years has shown me that (one of) my trauma responses has been to turn my eyes outward: to try to understand what’s happening and ensure my safety. This statement reminds me I am safe, strong enough, and soft enough to handle the consequences of whichever choice(s) my intuition tells me to make. I am safe, strong enough, and soft enough to turn my eyes inward to see what my body is saying, versus outward to discern what another person wants. And only when my eyes are inward can I actually feel my intuition to get going and move forward, both internally and externally.
I feel grateful for the support I’ve had, the relationships I’ve built with the elements, the many different plants, my friends and family, and for the other resources I’ve sought out: the comfort and rituals I’ve found within Judaism, and, especially, building relationships with my ancestors. Though I believe we are all called to individually "get going" — to journey outwards from our childhood homes and experiences and ultimately journey back in to ourselves — we are not alone. Finding that support and building relationships with these elements can anchor us to dive in deep, explore, and return home to ourselves each and every day with compassion and a broken-open heart that is resilient and, most importantly, open.
I share two prompts below to help you on your own journey. Wishing you all blessings as we continue forward.
What happens when we decide to turn our eyes inward?
Focus on the breath expanding and contracting, anchoring into your heart space. Noticing what arises.
As you expand, feel your energy move out of your heart space — where are you being called to go? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? What are you being drawn to explore?
Connect with each element —what messages do they have to give you about where you currently are and where you’re headed?
Invite your ancestors in — do they have anything to say?
Journal any responses that come up.
Jessie is a ceremonialist who encourages others to cultivate deeper relationships with themselves and the Earth through Jewish rituals, connecting with the elements, and tending to the nervous system. She is the founder of "Bendichas Manos" (“blessed hands” in Ladino), a ceremonial cacao company, and the Director of Community for School of Living Jewishly, a virtual learning platform and community focused on lifelong Jewish learning.
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