Why Your Kids Are Craving a Rosh Chodesh Practice, Too

Where did you first learn about Rosh Chodesh? Maybe it was from a friend or a colleague, a woman in your life who reached out and invited you to her Well Circle. Maybe it was accidental — an internet search, an Instagram post, a blog.

Or maybe you were one of the lucky few these days who learned about Rosh Chodesh from your family.

It’s all too rare these days for women to learn about this Jewish new moon holiday from our mothers — and for parents to pass this tradition on to their children.

At The Well is determined to change that. We want to be the last generation of women to grow up without a Rosh Chodesh practice.

But when it comes to kids, Rosh Chodesh is more than just passing on tradition. Your kids are craving a Rosh Chodesh practice — they just might not realize it yet.

Here’s what we know:

‍1. Family traditions build an “intergenerational self.”

In our modern era of distraction and disconnection, it breaks our hearts as parents to know that our children are statistically likely to face social challenges as they grow up — whether that’s loneliness, anxiety, or even depression. No matter how much we love them and want to protect them, the reality is that what we can do is provide them with the support and tools they need to build resilience.

Research from Dr. Marshall Duke and Dr. Robyn Fivush at Emory University shows that one of the best ways parents can foster resilience in their children is by helping them understand themselves as part of an intergenerational family story. This builds what they call an “intergenerational self” — a self that isn’t limited to their own life but which connects across time and place to a family that has overcome many challenges before.

Practicing an ancient Jewish ritual like Rosh Chodesh can help construct an intergenerational story that stretches all the way back to Biblical times! Keeping time by the new moon is quite literally the very first commandment that the Jewish people received — the commandment that created a people, with a shared culture, shared history, and shared notion of the Divine.

The story of the Jewish people hasn’t always been a happy one — and that’s part of what’s so important. As Dr. Fivush and Dr. Duke found, it’s important for kids to understand their family story as one with lots of ups and downs: times when their family struggled, and times when they overcame those challenges. Connecting to your shared history doesn’t just help them feel like part of something bigger than themselves — it helps them realize that they can be resilient, too.

2. Not every problem needs to be “fixed.”‍

As parents, we never want our children to hurt. We’re ready with a bandaid for every scraped knee and a box of tissues for every tantrum. But the reality is, our kids are capable of the full spectrum of human emotions, just like us. In order to learn how to recognize and work through tough feelings, kids need space to feel sad — without immediately trying to “fix” things. It’s hard, but important for building healthy emotional regulation in the long run.

One of the ways we can help our kids sit with tough feelings is by talking with them about how they feel. Rather than looking for a solution, we try to help them name their feelings and maybe even describe if those feelings are showing up anywhere in their bodies. (Does anger feel hot? Does anxiety make their chest feel tight?) Then, we make sure they know it’s “okay” to feel “not okay.” 

Rosh Chodesh helps us create this kind of space as a ritual practice — each and every month. When we make intentional time to open up, get vulnerable, and listen to one another’s feelings without trying to fix them, we not only feel more connected as a family, but we help build trust that we are a safe emotional landing pad when times get tough.

We can rest easier knowing that emotionally aware children are more socially adaptable and resilient. Plus, being in touch with their own feelings makes them better able to recognize difficult emotions in others (including us!) — which in turn makes them more empathetic siblings, children, and friends.

‍3. Every Rosh Chodesh has its own lesson.‍

We read in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for everything under the sun — and that’s true of our feelings, too. As we move through the cycle of the Hebrew calendar, each month carries its own theme, spiritual energy, and emotional or sensory focus. In Kislev, for instance, we learn about trusting and dreaming; in Tevet, we explore our anger; in Tammuz, we make space for grief. 

These themes give us a springboard for conversations with our kids that might be difficult to broach otherwise. How many ways can you think of to ask your kid, out of the blue, about grief? Rosh Chodesh provides an opening for kids to probe into feelings they might otherwise avoid. This also helps you as a family to learn about one another in new and intimate ways.

For kids, each month’s theme also pairs with a lesson about how children grow and learn. Consider the month of Elul, when our conversation centers on self-reflection and forgiveness. We can also teach our children (and ourselves!) about the value of a “growth mindset” — the attitude that mistakes are a natural part of learning and growing. We can take lessons from our slip-ups, apologize if necessary, and move forward with greater awareness.

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The At The Well team worked closely with childhood development experts to create a series of guides for each month of the Jewish year, which explain the month’s theme in kid-friendly language and connect it with a research-backed teaching about child development. Each guide also contains thematic activities for children ages 3-5 and 6-10 to help them learn the month’s lessons through their bodies, feelings, and senses.

If you’re just dipping your toe into the water, you can download this free printable with the dates and themes of each month, plus a moon chart you can hang on the wall!