Shehecheyanu: My Holy Tonic Through Chronic Pain & Illness

Life with chronic pain and illness often means forced experiences of presence, usually ushered in by excruciating pain, extraordinary fatigue, or even the inability to move. By “presence,” I mean an experience of focused attention or awareness in the body, without the mind drifting to another time or place. 

In our harried culture in the West, we often aspire to cultivate presence, turning to practices like meditation or movement as an antidote to life as we know it. But for folks like me with chronic pain and illness, our relationship to presence is rarely restorative. And enduring the infinite monotony of a motionless life, involuntarily tethered to a couch or bed while life moves on beyond us, can easily make us numb to anything beyond the body’s call for relief. To be present with a body in pain or illness is rarely a choice. 

Shehecheyanu helped me, for a few seconds at a time, to reorient to presence as something I could enjoy instead of endure.

When I learned of the Shehecheyanu prayer during my studies for my adult Be Mitzvah last year with Judaism Your Way, I felt I had found a little portal that helped me greet presence with a sense of agency I hadn’t felt in a long time. And beyond that, this portal to presence was full of delight instead of pain! Shehecheyanu helped me, for a few seconds at a time, to reorient to presence as something I could enjoy instead of endure.

The Shechecheyanu is traditionally said or sung when we are experiencing something for the first time, or for the first time in a long time. This prayer brings us into appreciation and awe that we made it to this moment. It is as if we are thanking time herself for bringing us here and now.

Some of us may be familiar with the Shehecheyanu because we recite it the first time we’re celebrating a holiday since the last turn of the Hebrew calendar. But the blessing is available to us far more often than that. We can say Shehecheyanu any time we want to bless a moment that is new and different from the last.

I sought out reasons to sing Shehecheyanu a few times a week, to punctuate the monotony and dispiriting barrage of illness. When I tried a new flavor of tea, I sang Shehecheyanu. When I saw the snowdrops budding through the crust of sunned snow in late February, I sang Shehecheyanu. When I pulled on a sweater that had waited for me all year tucked in a drawer and ran my fingertips over the waves of knitting around my arms, I sang Shehecheyanu. 

When I sang the prayer, I found an uplifting gratitude, even sometimes a fleeting glimpse into the well of joy, a play with the Divine — a sense of hineni, ecstatic here-ness. A hineni (“I-am-here”) that could even momentarily transcend pain and begin to remind my brain and body that there is life beyond illness. This prayer gave me back the choice of presence, even if it was just for a few seconds. And for the first time in a long time, those few precious seconds of attention felt sacred, beyond survival. 

Though this prayer can be understood to be about “newness,” Shehecheyanu is also about returning. This reflects the cyclicality of life, not just linear ‘newness’ but ‘how lucky am I to keep living, to get to cherish this again.’ For someone whose biggest achievement in a day is simply managing to evade a hospital visit, this blessing gives us a way to celebrate.

Even when marking a moment of experiencing health or functionality in my body, Shehecheyanu is not about solving or fixing. Instead, it is about appreciating the experience while it’s here and celebrating with my body. I am filling up my cup, noticing my aliveness, whatever may come in the next moment. And the more I sing Shehecheyanu, the more my capacity to feel presence and gratitude in my daily life grows.

There is a science behind this form of spiritual magic, called “D.O.S.E. medicine.” This acronym refers to a family of chemical messengers in the brain — dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins — sometimes referred to as “happy hormones” because they influence our overall happiness and well-being. Usually, people can get these chemical messengers flowing in the body through things like exercise, sunlight, food, meditation, good sleep, and physical affection — all life experiences that are often a source of challenge for folks with chronic pain and illness. If we can get these happy hormones rolling, the brain naturally begins to seek more of them, building our capacity for contentment and well-being.  For me, Shehecheyanu has been that dripline of D.O.S.E. medicine that expanded my capacity when other sources of vital happy hormones were out of reach — a regular infusion teaching my brain and body how much more is available for me to experience.

I have said and sung this prayer so much already since starting Be Mitzvah classes that I’ve begun to turn it into a verb, as in, “I Shechecheyanu’d to honor our arrival in Mexico!” Below, I want to share some ways I have “Shehecheyanu’d” in the last year. If they resonate with you, I encourage you to take them as inspiration for your own creative connection with the prayer.

To celebrate small wins with my body, which are actually huge for folks like us, I have said,“I made it this far to / I’m still alive to…” 

• Walk without a cane today
• Stand long enough to cook
• Dance with friends
• Finish a meal without having debilitating heart palpitations

To appreciate the material things, I have said, “I made it this far to / I’m still alive to…”

• Cozy up in a new pair of pajamas
• Crack open a fresh new journal for the first time
• Bring home a new potted plant friend

To remind myself of the world around me, bigger than my couch or bed, I have said, “I made it this far to / I’m still alive to…” 

• Spend time with a friend for the first time in a long time
• Go on a date for the first time in years
• Taste the first blackberry off the bush in my garden in June
• See the ocean for the first time in a long time
• Start a class on an exciting new topic
• Laugh so hard I cry for the first time in ages
• Feel goosebumps because I’m moved by music or story

Here is how to recite (or sing!) Shehecheyanu:

Hebrew Text:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה, יְיָ אֱלֹהֵינוּ, מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה.

Transliteration:

Baruch atah, Adonai, Eloheinu, Melekh ha-olam, shehecheyanu, v'kiy'manu, v'higiyanu la-z'man ha-zeh.

Translation:

Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Sovereign of all, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this season. 

No matter your experience in your body, I hope you find Shehecheyanu to be both a balm when enduring challenging stretches of life and a doorway to joyful presence and gratitude. If you “Shehecheyanu” and want to share the moment, I would love to hear about it!

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At The Well uplifts many approaches to Jewish practice. Our community draws on ancient Jewish wisdom, sometimes adapting longstanding practices to more deeply support the well-being of women and nonbinary people. See this article’s sources below. We believe Torah (sacred teachings) are always unfolding to help answer the needs of the present moment.

‍Sources

The Deepest Meanings of Hineni, Voices on Sefaria

Kavanah, Or Intention, My Jewish Learning

Shehecheyanu, ReformJudaism.org

D.O.S.E.: The brain’s happy chemicals, explained, Khiron Clinics

How to Hack Your Hormones for a Better Mood, Healthline