What Advice Would Debbie Friedman Give You About Starting a Well Circle?

In this series, we're imagining what famous women would give you for starting a Well Circle — a small group of 6-12 who meet at each new moon. Debbie Friedman z"l was not involved in the creation of this advice. (Ah, how we wish she was!)
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If Debbie Friedman were sitting with you as you wondered whether to start a Well Circle, she might begin not with instructions, but with a melody.

Debbie, of blessed memory, was the first woman composer to make a major impact on Jewish liturgy. Many of her songs (like her Havdalah blessing) have become pillars of Jewish music. She is, in other words, an icon.

She believed powerfully in the role of women in Jewish life. So if she knew you were interested in bringing together a circle of women to celebrate Rosh Chodesh, Debbie might just pick up her guitar and sing a line from her instant classic, Miriam's Song:

“And the women dancing with their timbrels followed Miriam as she sang her song.”

There are so many women who are looking for a spark to bring them together, to invite them into alignment. Even if you can't see it yet, there are women who are ready to join you, and Debbie's song would remind you of exactly that.

You might tell her your worries about whether you're ready to lead. Are you really “qualified” to gather people together?

Debbie could gently remind you that Jewish tradition grows stronger when more voices enter the circle. You don’t need to be an expert teacher or spiritual leader. You simply need to invite people to gather and create a moment of presence together.

Debbie would likely remind you that you are not performing for your circle — you are holding space for it.

At your first gathering you could start simply:

Light a candle.

Read from this month's Moon Manual.

Try out a ritual — or in Debbie's honor, sing a melody.

Ask a question that opens the heart.

What matters most for creating a Well Circle is not leading "perfectly", but creating a space where people feel comfortable enough to lift their voice. And that is something you can do.

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Feeling inspired to gather? Learn how to start your own Well Circle and connect with women and nonbinary folks in your community.